London Labour live in a parallel universe

I've been listening to extended interviews with the main candidates for the Labour leadership. I've heard Liz Kendall, Yvette Cooper, Tristam Hunt, Chuka Umanna and Andy Burnham and I can truly say that if you could combine the five of them you wouldn't manage to get a decent level of incompetence. They are all genuinely pathetic. The interview with Liz Kendall on Newsnight was completely embarrassing, and I'm sorry to say, showed this person to be clueless and completely useless. Labour is in serious trouble if these are the only available personnel to succeed to the Labour leadership. Not one of them made even one attempt to answer any of the questions put to them, they just did what all Labour politicians do and spoke for about ten minutes each without saying anything. Each of them were asked about Ed Miliband's leadership, about what they would do on immigration, Europe and austerity and we did not get one answer, just a lot of gibberish. One of the principal reasons why people are deserting the Westminster parties is their refusal to answer questions or to take a specific stance on anything and if we learned anything about Labour it is that they have learned nothing and will tell us nothing. I would remind you that all of these people were prominent in past Labour governments, all of them are committed rightwingers and all of them endorse austerity, spending cuts and the continued pauperisation of the working and non-working people in this sorry country.

Yvette Cooper is the person who introduced ATOS into Britain with its fascist style work assessments. These are the people who decided, and were endorsed by Ms Cooper, that if you were terminally ill with cancer but were given over six months to live, then you were fit for work. Andy Burnham was the person who initiated over 240 personal finance initiatives and is probably more responsible than any other person for the dreadful state of NHS finances. I have spoken about my dear friend Chuka before and will not repeat except to remind you that he is a privately educated millionaire who is on record as regarding his fellow citizens as trash. Chuka's pitch to be regarded as a serious candidate for the Labour leadership included telling us that he wants to side with the rich, he "wants to be on the side of those doing well". His mate, Tristam Hunt tells us that he wants to represent the families who shop in John Lewis. I trust you have been in a John Lewis shop where a t-shirt will set you back about £30.

Everything these people tell us show that they have learned nothing from Labour's defeat and I doubt if any of them have ever heard of Scotland let alone visited it. None of them even begin to understand the chasm that has grown between Scotland and the North of England and the rest of the UK. If I were in the SNP I would genuinely advocate putting up candidates in some parts of England to test how they would fare.

However, in Scotland Labour still has a constituency it can call on if it gets its act together. If I were in Labour I would advise them to embrace independence as a policy option. It is also essential that they endorse meaningful electoral reform. As a quick aside, the Alternative Vote, which you will remember was the option we voted on in a referendum two years ago, is not proportional representation, it is another form of first-past-the-post and is quite unacceptable (I would be happy to explain why if anyone is interested). I would advise them to completely sever their links with London and contemplate changing their name, whilst still retaining the label of labour. I would advise them to ditch all of their candidates and start afresh, because if they think they can win any converts with Kezia Dugdale they are seriously deluded. They will decide Jim Murphy's fate on Saturday but it beggars belief that they would consider retaining him as leader in Scotland. If they do the SNP will hold another party. Murphy is truly awful. Unless Labour is truly radical they are finished forever and that has no chance of happening in England. I loath Labour, but Scotland needs a meaningful and competitive polity, it needs discussion, debate and a vibrant exchange of ideas. The only thing it doesn't need are the Tories. You have been warned

Your Servant
Doktor Kommirat